So I have wanted to come out in this way for a LONG TIME!!! I'm going to start sharing with you from my heart! Here goes. I have always had deeper understanding. I've always been different. I've always kept a large part of me to myself b/c others didn't seem to understand. So I hid. I was trained to be nice - if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it. But it goes way deeper than that. Socially, I was taught that other people are right, you are wrong. We have to alter ourselves to fit in. I guess as an adult, this hasn't affected me as much b/c I've just found a few people that I like and stay to myself.
But when I my daughter came along, it all came up again. She is in first grade this year. She is intense too, you see. She screams when she can't get it right. She will sit at the monkey bars screaming and crying because she wants to do the kewl flip the other girls are doing so bad but she's scared or can't get it right. I TOTALLY understand her. I was this same girl.
I would cry every week at dance lesson b/c I couldn't get it perfect. I would go home and practice and practice until I got it down. I was sooooo intense and so is she. The thing is, I understand her intensity. I've actually had people tell me that I need to shut her up, she should not be allowed to act that way. They don't understand why she is doing it. So it has been my job to stand there at her side encouraging her.
What I see is that my job is to teach her how to deal with these intense frustrating feelings. And sometimes it's not pretty! But I don't shun her in public like my parents did to me. They just wanted to silence me and my intensity. Of course they didn't know how to deal with it either. I can see that others don't understand us or what we are doing. Parents and children look at us, they ask what is wrong with her? I just say that she is frustrated and trying to get the hang of something. Period. I explain to the other kids what she is going through and then they begin to understand her and her intensity and more importantly why she is so upset. The more they understand, the more they try to encourage her too.
I have a strong willed child. VERY strong willed. I was that same child so I know! Some times I think I am too understanding with her. I def work every day to find that balance. I just want to teach her that she is okay. Intensity and all. That I am there and I love her no matter what! Her momma will be there supporting and guiding her. I want her to love and accept herself, her intensity and sensitivity.
As an adult strong willed child, I see that the intensity she is experiencing is her absolute strength as an adult. People constantly as me how I have the energy to do all that I do. How I have the drive to recreate my life over and over again. And I know that this intensity is my fire! It's my fuel that burns and the more I learn how to work with it and wield it, the more I am able to create my highest potential in the world. My job as a parent to this strong willed child and my job to myself is to encourage, love, accept and nurture that intensity and also learn/teach how to shape it into something amazing!!!